Justin Timberlake

Man, oh man is that kid sexy. I went to his concert last night (which boasts a tour truck and - count 'em - SEVEN buses) and it reminded me of this movie I saw this one time called Pirates. There was jumping and strutting and heavy bass and tequila (on and off the stage) and tiny costumes on perfect-bodied women and yes, even some humping. To the words "make you say my name." Can they do that??? I probably would have been terribly turned on if there hadn't been a 7-year-old asleep in my lap.

Now, when I go to a concert, I go for the music and the show. Because you know it took at least 30 A/V nerds to keep things running smoothly up on the stage with JT, his nine dancers, soul train of four, and "band" of six. Six of these A/V nerds were suspended in air for the whole three-hour show doing camera work for immediate feedback on the moving screens above the stage. The rest of them were mixing, helping with quick changes, running the elevators, moving the instruments, running the light show and God knows what else. Maybe feeding hand-feeding guest rapper Timbaland grapes and cheese when he wasn't on stage. I appreciate this kind of complex coordination. Not to mention the dancing and stage use being FLAWLESSLY timed. The moves might not be very hard but doing them in perfect step with nine other dancers at exactly the right place on a HUGE stage is a lot harder than it seems. Its certainly not brain surgery, but show me a brain surgeon who can dance...

But not everyone appreciates these things. Like the countless 16-year-old girls who go for the sole purpose of screaming at the tops of their lungs and only stopping to take off their panties and throw them at Justin's head. - Yes, Justin and I are on a first name basis. We're getting married in the spring of 2009. - These girls make it impossible to actually hear the music or anything he says between songs. Since my Gwen can't appreciate A/V nerds yet and she couldn't hear the music, she was bored. So she fell asleep. In my lap on the couches in the skybox. The crazy drunk lady screaming to her friends in the seats below didn't even wake the kid up until she stepped on her. Who lets these people out of their cages?

Justin Timberlake's sexiness: both his biggest asset and his biggest drawback. But I guess every star has his rude, crazy, drunk fans.