Safari in Connecticut

Saturday night I went on Safari. In the Mohegan Sun Casino. An unseemly venue for a Safari, one might think, but one would be very wrong. The Casino is full of all sorts of marvelous animals. Why, just in the hotel lobby we found a trio of cubs: cougar, tiger and panther. My trusty sidekick, Ranger Mo, and I took our hunting rifle and headed out into the jungle. One must always remember to wear proper attire while on Safari. This includes proper sun protection and flashy jewelry to attract monkeys. This went to plan and soon the monkeys were performing their Cirque tricks right above our very heads. We were also equipped with delicious Kahlua Koladas to keep well hydrated. If available, stilettos are the ideal hunting shoe because if you feel confident, the animals will sense it and succumb to your overwhelming human power. I had on my RED stilettos. It wasn't long before we'd tracked ourselves some very large game...
Ho! Mo found an Ostrich. She was a beauty. And Mo, with her excellent tracking skills was able to sneak right up beside the beast before she took it down. That's why I pay her the big bucks.But of course our hunt didn't end there, and I'll be damned if I would be shown up by some sassy little sidekick. I taught Mo that if she wants to be a real hunter someday, she must become one with her surroundings to trick the largest game. I demonstrated my expertise on a gorgeous Amazon Tiger that was on a walk to the water hole. Alas, the poor tiger never stood a chance against me. For I am a world renowned tiger hunter.After wrangling the tiger, Mo was looking quite haggard so I suggested that we make our way back to camp where the chef had prepared seafood kabobs, steak, fingerling potatoes and stuffed chicken.There was also dessert of chocolate covered strawberries and tarts, ice cream cake, and strawberry shortcake. Where he found these things in the savanna, I'll never know, but as long as he cooks them to perfection, I'll continue to pay him the big bucks, too. We spotted a zebra in the middle of our meal - perhaps zebras like the smell of red wine - but I left my rifle where it lay, for zebra meat is tough and rubbery, unlike the tender meat of the Amazon Tiger.
I overheard that for next year they're planning a Panda Hunting Party at the Great Wall of China. My red stilettos will be ready.

1 comment:

Gemma said...

Goodness! Best catered safari in the history of. . . well saying man would be a bit too much. But best catered safari in the history of the Fecych's!
If only we could all be so lucky to have the opprtunity to track down such wild beasts, like the panda bear. I hear they are slippery and move with surprising speed and agility. So watch out, Fex, lest the panda bear outwit you in your complacency.