Complaint Letter

Dear Miss C.J. Lee,

We have been friends for about two years now and I greatly value you and your friendship. That said, your behavior today was bordering on just plain mean. I appreciate the sentiment behind gift-giving, but I think that presenting me with a raw egg showed perhaps a lack of judgment.

The messenger who presented me with the aforementioned egg had no part in this exchange, so I couldn't request that she please return it to you, as that would have been rude and she would have needed to hold it through our lunch date anyway. I, with some hesitation and a shake test to confirm the raw status of the egg, accepted and placed the egg in my jacket pocket in the hopes that I could eat my lunch quickly and put the egg safely back into my desk until I could get it to a refrigerator or frying pan. At the termination of my lunch hour, I retrieved a container to pack the leftovers of my lunch into, and when I sat back in my seat, I heard a pop. Your raw egg is now shells and goo on the inside of my jacket pocket. You can have it back, now.

Perhaps next time you could give me a hard boiled egg, or a puppy. Either of those would be more preferable options. Or maybe a pile of poop, as I would not feel guilty for discarding that. Please contact me for further discussion, as I would be disappointed to lose your friendship over a brief lapse in what I know is your usually very sound logic.

Thank you,

Allie

2 comments:

Beth said...

I do so hope Ms. Lee responds via this blog...

Caroline said...

Dear Ms. Fex,

Once upon a time, I took the wonderfully on time bus to DHMC where, hilariously, my boss had left a dozen farm fresh, grass-fed, chicken eggs on my desk. She claimed they were a "gift" and told me to take them home to eat. Unsure of what to do, I complied and brought them back to campus with me and sat with them all throughout lunch.

After I had finished with my scrumptious meal of beef stir-fry, I was at a loss of what to do with said eggs and while contemplating what to do with said eggs, I ran into Erin who was 6+ minutes late for a meeting with you.

(*sigh* i'm too tired for this. switching to thought process thingies now)

first thought: hey look it's erin!
second thought: i'm holding eggs.
third thought: man I haven't seen fex in a while...
fourth thought: present?
fifth: no present.
sixth: EGG.
seventh: reasoning to give fex an egg. (healthy, low cholesterol, she'd appreciate such things? maybe?)
eighth: mmm well... erin walked away. can't get it back now. i guess i'm just crazy today.

I regret to inform you, however, that I can no longer give you gifts if you treat them in such a destructive manner. I had thought that a lady of your calibre would know quite well what to do with such a gift (aka go as Marge at Collis to fry it up).

Sorry for ruining your jacket, I'll clean it if you like. Otherwise, come over and I'll make some stir-fry.

-Caroline