I mean, You should still invite me to parties...

Last Saturday night found me reunited (however unhappily) with the dense little hell-hole that is New York City. Its a love-hate relationship. I get around very well and I love Dalia - who I stayed with - and had a lot of fun with her, but let's just leave it at the fact that in ONE day, I acquired $80 worth of parking tickets and drove home with a giant, practically unremovable, Neon Yellow sticker pinned to my driver's side rear window that said "THIS VEHICLE IS IN VIOLATION OF NEW YORK CITY PARKING REGULATIONS. BECAUSE THIS JACKASS DIDN'T MOVE HER CAR, WE COULDN'T CLEAN THIS STREET FOR THE SIXTH TIME THIS WEEK." Thanks, New York. No, really. I've made it 4 years without a single sticker besides a parking permit on that car, and it was about time I had something screamingly obnoxious and "If you can read this, you're a douchebag" in tiny print on the bumper is a little aggressive.

(Says the girl who BLATANTLY tried to hit a guy in a bar that night)

I went to an engagement party, happening in the far back room of this bar (So I'm in NYC, AND in a bar. Shoot me now), and managed to happily converse with a few people from college I haven't seen in a while. It started to get late, and the bar started to get a little crowded, so we all decided to move on. I was not up for "clubbing" so I just followed Dalia and her boyfriend like a lost puppy. A rowdy lost puppy. And this total jackass who was trying to move back into the packed barfront while the group of us tried to get out (and make more room for him!) just could NOT wait for us. He shoved the two friends in front of me into a table on his way, and that was enough for me. As soon as he squeezed past me, I punched my elbow as hard as I could in his direction. In the tight crowd, he wouldn't have known who did it or that she did it on purpose, and I would have been separated from him by the time he realized it anyway. Perfect plan. Except the guy behind me (we'll call him Balls) decided to give the asshole some leeway and hung back as I pressed forward. So the asshole slid right past me and into Balls' space and I swung and missed into an empty hole in the crowd, right where Balls caught me in the act. And laughed at me. Hard. And suddenly I wasn't feeling quite so angry anymore.

I still would have loved to hit the guy, though. Those of you who don't know me well should know this: I get some SERIOUS Crowd Rage. Don't be like me, kids. Its a fine line between "serving justice" and "arrested for assault."

1 comment:

Unknown said...

My little Thundering River....awwww